nicholas latkovic

“Well, I’m using a cane, so what? So what if they shot me sitting in a wheelchair? That’s life.”

- Dick Clark, radio and television personality, on returning to work after his 2004 stroke

Death Becomes Her. Dir. Robert Zemeckis. Perf. Pro. Robert Zemeckis, Steve Starkey. Perf. Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Bruce Willis. Universal Pictures, 1992.

“So, I go to this doctor in Sebastian, Florida. The guy interviews me, and he doesn’t know what the hell he’s dealing with. He doesn’t know. How can he, in one hour? So, he says to my mother, ‘He’s a schizophrenic, and he’s a manic depressive,’ and — I can remember, I saw her face — she said, ‘Ohh…’ like she thought she was about ready to get busted.

And instead, she’s like, ‘Really? Is that right? Yeah… Well, what can we do about that?’ And the doctor says, ‘Well, I’ll just give him these pills. That’s right. And then we’ll lock him up here for a while and that’ll be just fine.’

So, they were happy to accept that as what happened. And my father didn’t know what happened at all. I mean, really, he’s in his own world.

And so, years later, when I began trauma therapy, I called her on the phone and said, ‘I’m being treated for the symptoms that prisoners of war happened, Mom. But, all I did was grow up in your house. Can you talk to me about that?’ There was a pause, and then a sort of that husky, throaty thing she got in when she was about to menace, and she said, ‘Don’t ever call us again.’ Click.

Like that. And I didn’t ever talk to them again until their deathbed.”

-Darrell Hammond, actor and child abuse survivor

“Red Chair Interview: Darrell Hammond”. CNN. 24 Oct. 2011.

Related:

Fresh Air from WHYY. “‘SNL’s’ Darrell Hammond Reveals Cutting, Abuse”. NPR. 7 Nov. 2011.

Hammond, Darrell. God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked: Tales of Stand-Up, Saturday Night Live, and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem. New York City: Harper, 2011.

“I’m not anxious about whether there’s a heaven, or there’s music or clouds or whatever. I’m more anxious about the end-of-life journey. I want it to be quiet, contemplative and calm. For me, dying… it’s very enlightening, and certainly rewarding.”

- David Plant, 81

“As A Life’s End Draws Near, A Father And Son Talk”. NPR. 30 Mar. 2012.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story. Dir. Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck. Pro. Kevin Misher, Ben Browning. Perf. Keir Gilchrist, Emma Roberts, Zach Galifianakis. Focus Features, 2010.

“I’m a very practical person — always have been. A little obsessive compulsive, but very practical. It was kind of like, ‘Okay. This is what we have to do.’ I didn’t entertain any thoughts, it wasn’t that I was going, ‘Oh, I can’t think of dying,’ it wasn’t that. I just didn’t. People say, ‘Did you think you were going to die?’ and ‘Did that ever cross your mind?’ You would have to be an idiot not to have that cross your mind — they tell you kind of every step along the way, ‘This could be it,’ but it just didn’t phase me.

And I found after the transplant, the first couple of years were so difficult in terms of recovery, that all of my energy, which there was little — all of the energy I had went into the healing process. And then, about two and a half years, almost three years out from the operation — my recovery took a long time — I just suddenly started to get so depressed, and then I got more depressed because I was depressed. I thought how outrageous to be depressed when you’ve been given this glorious second chance.

But, as it was explained to me, that’s when I actually started letting in everything that had happened. I wasn’t in denial about stuff — I knew what was going on — but now the emotions started clicking, and it took me awhile to get through that. It was just delayed a little bit.”

- Shelley Fabares, actress and autoimmune hepatitis patient

Related:

Fabares, Shelley. “Johnny Angel”. Shelley!. Colpix, 1962.

“You should see a doctor.”

“I don’t need you to tell me I’m not well, though I don’t really know what’s wrong with me; I think I’m five times healthier than you are. I didn’t ask whether you believe that people see ghosts. I asked if you believe that there are ghosts.”

“No, I wouldn’t believe it for anything!” Raskolnikov cried out, even somewhat spitefully.

“What is it they usually say? Svidrigailov muttered to himself, turning aside and inclining his head slightly. “They say, ‘You’re sick, and therefore what you imagine is all just nonexistent raving.’ But there’s no strict logic here. I agree that ghosts come only to sick people; but that only proves that ghosts cannot appear to anyone but sick people, not that they themselves do not exist.”

“Of course they don’t!” Raskolnikov insisted irritably.

“No? You think not?” Svidrigailov went on, slowing raising his eyes to him. “And what if one reasons like this (come, help me now): ‘Ghosts are, so to speak, bits and pieces of other worlds, their beginnings. The healthy man, naturally, has no call to see them, because the healthy man is the most earthly of men, and therefore he ought to live according to life here, for the sake of completeness and order. Well, but as soon as a man get sick, as soon as the normal earthly order of his organism is disrupted, the possibility of another world at once begins to make itself known, and the sicker one is, the greater the contact with this other world, so that when a man dies altogether, he goes to the other world directly.’ I’ve been reasoning it out for a long time. If one believes in a future life, one can believe in this reasoning.”

“I do not believe in a future life,” said Raskolnikov.

Svidrigailov sat thinking. “And what if there are only spiders there, or something of the sort,” he said suddenly.

“He’s a madman,” thought Raskolnikov.

“We keep imagining eternity as an idea that cannot be grasped, something vast, vast! But why must it be vast? Instead of all that, imagine suddenly that there will be one little room there, something like a village bathhouse, covered with soot, with spiders in all the corners, and that’s the whole of eternity. I sometimes fancy something of the sort.”

“But surely, surely you can imagine something more just and comforting than that!” Raskolnikov cried out with painful feeling.

“More just? Who knows, perhaps that is just — and, you know, if I had it my way, it’s certainly how I would do it!” Svidrigailov answered, smiling vaguely.

A sort of chill came over Raskolnikov at this hideous answer. Svidrigailov raised his head, looked at him intently, and suddenly burst out laughing.

Dostoyevsky, Fyodor (Author). McDuff, David. (Editor, Translator). Crime and Punishment. New York: Penguin Classics, 2002.

“A ‘sick child’ is the hardest two words to ever hear in combination. Almost harder than even a ‘hungry child’. It just shouldn’t be, and unfortunately, as we know, it’s so common. Any institution that works to ease that suffering, to find cures, to do research, to work on behalf of those children… it is a privilege to be able to be a servant to that.”

- Jamie Lee Curtis, actress and humanitarian

Elizabeth Edwards’ oldest daughter, Cate, remembers her mother for both the witty advice she gave about clothing and dating, and also the grace and comfort she gave their family.

Every moment counts.

Diagnosed with terminal cancer, Bob gradually accepts an imminent death coinciding with the birth of his first child. Preoccupied with the notion of immortalizing himself, he quickly begins making home movies to cover all the teachings he would otherwise be there for. Even so, a tendency to withdraw from reality prevents Bob from moving past his biggest fear: giving himself permission to let go. Directed by Bruce Joel Rubin.

Featured music:

Enya. “Storms in Africa”. Watermark. Geffen, Warner Bros., 1988.

“You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces — my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human.

But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. It isn’t possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel to everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day. To you I simply say: you know.”

- Elizabeth Edwards, after being informed by doctors any further cancer treatment would be futile